After my later-in-her-20’s girlfriend got her deepest relationship concerns off her chest, my younger sister – 22 years old to be exact – turned to me and inquired nearly the same thing, “What about me?” Only this time, she added, “I’m not ‘old’ by any standards but nearly everyone my age is ‘complicated,’ happy to date (or sleep around) freely, or can’t commit. What am I left with?”
At her young age, my younger sister is what I would coin an “old soul.” She’s ready to share her life with a man who can pass her tests of loyalty, commitment and love (of which she claims are not that hard to do). I suppose the answer I have for my sister isn’t a new one at all. In fact, it’s essentially the same answer I gave to my older girlfriend: don’t look too hard because in your panic-stricken state, you tend to look in all the wrong places, the places where complicated, happy-to-flitter-about, commitment-phobic people frolic. It’s the exceptions that will bump into you and those are the ones that will bring great love. In fact, I wouldn’t even try looking for those exceptions either. I would concentrate on me, taking care of me and my loved one’s needs and finding my source(s) of ultimate joy even in the midst of those content to carouse about with debauchery on their agenda.
But she brings up an interesting point: people are so much more adamant to keep and practice the state of being single and youthful. She claims that practicing single and young hardly equates to having a healthy, romantic relationship nowadays. A lot of people want to stay unattached for much longer. Even married folk are experiencing this with the disparaging divorce rates and their return to the social clubbing scenes. People are hesitant and even deliberate in positioning themselves to avoid long-term, romantic relationships. To me, it would seem that the single status has now become somewhat of a precious commodity, a status symbol if you will. It communicates power: the ability to shape one’s own destiny.
Independence, yes, is very sexy but as my sister would be quick to point out, it’s quite the opposite when used to instigate clandestine affairs while all at the same time, avoid and/or shield oneself from long-term encounters. We all recognize this trait from the “quintessential bad boy” and it remains one of the hardest habits to quell, tame or curb.
Several solutions are available should you find yourself in love with a person hell-bent on staying single: a) you hope they, in return, fall for you so hard they abandon their single lifestyle to cater to a happily-ever-after with you; b) you put up with their “independence” ’til they come to realize they are ready to settle down (with you, hopefully); c) you avoid these people altogether; or, lastly, the very familiar: “Don’t give up. Don’t mope. Don’t dwell on it like it’s your life calling. There’s so much of life to live, to laugh at, to curse at…” Those were lines copied from my last article. Quite honestly, living and deciding the course of your life is hard enough as it is, you shouldn’t waste your energy manipulating someone else’s life path so that it can coincidentally weave and become harmonious with yours. That’s a trademark of control freaks and no one wants to wake up one day and realize their love life is the result of their control freak partner’s work.
My older girlfriend was too busy fawning over men who were turned away from her. While glaring at their backs and willing them to turn around, she perhaps missed the group of gentlemen eyeing her from the other direction. My sister is doing the same exact thing, cursing her luck that she should have to wait for men her age to “grow up” so that she can have a worthy lover. Once again I must copy and paste an excerpt from my previous article:
“Exceptions walk beside us every day of our lives, pulsating with momentum and dreams. It takes but one moment for them to collide with you and make an ordinary moment into a momentous one (and maybe even into a “forever” one). Don’t wait around for it; just carry on as usual so that when the time is right, you’re simply, ecstatically blown away.”
If there’s no one to give what love you do have, pour it upon yourself already! Seriously, the most legendary of love stories are ones that not only tell a story of how 2 souls become in sync but, really, ones of self-discovery! We all want someone who can look after themselves, right? Sure, we relish in rescuing them from time to time but life is so much easier when our significant other can confidently manage their own life whether we are there or not. If you can’t or won’t have the love story just yet, work on the other vital part: you. Once that love story makes its debut into your life, lil’ sis, both you and your special guy are gonna thank all those days when you loved you.
To young and old, confident and wary alike, to all of you looking for love: if no one should accept your love, give it to a special someone known as “self.” It’s likely that even if you’re doing wild acrobatics and shooting love beams at someone who is already turned from you, they won’t likely turn around anytime soon. Concentrate on the more predictable, controllable parts of life so that when love does come around, you can’t help but show up glowing, confident and very nearly perfect for that special somebody who will now comprise the other half of your heart.
Written by: BBC