For your manhood! For bragging rights! For the sake of your clan’s name! For Jesus Morales…you get the point! I got one word for you: Fantasy Football! Oops, my bad, two words to be exact.
Rewind a decade or so ago, calculating fantasy football stats to points were done manually on Monday and Tuesday—Tuesday for Monday nights game doh—after stats were given out on the sports section of the local daily newspapers. However, the evolution in the internet has compounded the mass millions who now pour online to take on this phenomenon within the digital world, as everything is now live, streamed directly through the net after the completion of every play. No more pens and papers. No more cluttering messes with newspapers and magazines. No more needing to know the basics of addition and subtraction. No more buying the Monday’s or Tuesday’s newspaper. No more, no more! The convenience couldn’t be any better, as you now have the inside scoop on everything fantasy football with the luxury of experts in the field—yes that’s right, experts in the field. There are many sites proclaiming themselves as experts in the field, connoisseurs of the game, people who get paid simply to monitor players’ stats to report their so-called in-depth analysis to you and me.
You see, back then it was about studying on your own and making your own decisions to ascertain the guys you’d like in a draft. It was about manually tracking all players’ stats along with all the other mumbo jumbo that goes with them Neanderthal days of doing fantasy football, but it’s gotten more complex, more maddening. You now have pie charts, flow charts, and all the other millions—kidding—relevant charts and what not that you have to review before making your initial draft pick. Well, lucky for you I’ve gotten really good at paying attention to details. Over and above, I’ve written my own set of rules in the faux pas of a snake draft, something that I’ve coined the conundrums of fantasy football on draft day. This is my unbible, inscribing the tenets of the “what-not-to-do” on fantasy football draft day, if you will. Listen up folks this may help you on draft day to reel in the big win, or maybe not.
Here are my 7 Golden no-no rules:
1) Don’t be a hometown chaser. A rube that only knows his roots is a fool indeed. He begins the draft picking Brett Favre, then Adrian Peterson, to Sidney Rice, then Percy Harvin, to Bernard Berrian, then Toby Gerhart…you get the picture. Don’t be a rube! It’s a free world, do what you’d like. Pick freely my friends, and don’t get caught being a rube.
2) Drink conservatively. Your friends want you to slam a beer or maybe a dozen prior to drafting. Remember the axiom: “Friends don’t let friends drive drunk.” Unfortunately, that’s not the case here friends. Their camaraderie will help you through dire times when you need a shoulder to cry on because of a recent break up but, they’re purposely doing it to sabotage your draft. As saboteurs they want you to get drunk, in turn impairing your future judgments. Just like driving while intoxicated, you’re a bumbling mark, unable to fully perform second natured duties (i.e. driving, talking and walking), which translates to a failing draft. You’ll probably end up with all kickers and defenses on your team, as your auto-pilot subconscious-self is manning the cockpit in battle mode. All signs point to an epic failing year! Be ready to drink conservatively as well as do the opposite, be the saboteur versus the victim.
3) Your gutsy-ballsy-intuition is normally a mistake. So you’ve decided that steering away from the norm is good. So because you’ve seen a spark in a player during preseason and contemplated about picking him because you think he’s going to have a break out year. Remember Troy Williamson during 2009’s preseason campaign. Stellar right? Everyone was like, wow, he looks good, even the coach was praising his work ethics. Free agency numbers were definitely influenced with thousands of pick ups. Should I jump on the band wagon? Epic fail, he plays the first regular season game and he was back to his normal self—BUNK! Intuition may work sometimes; however, try sticking to the experts.
4) The salesman trickery. Before draft you hear one of your buddies promoting a rubbish player marketing him up the ying yang. He goes on yapping his mouth to watch out for that specific player as he’s a deep sleeper that has endless potential (e.g. Ray Rice, Maurice Jones-Drew or Adrian Peterson during their rookie campaign). He goes as far as telling you he’s looking to pick up the player early in the draft. To tell you the truth, he’s hyping up the players to throw off someone’s game plan. He may even hype up really good players also, to attempt to get someone to pick up that player. Or he’ll tell you about a player that he claims to be hurt, a trickery to get you to pass up on that player during draft time. Be a diligent worker and do your homework, know your stuff before draft day, and you’ll definitely do fine.
5) Don’t get influenced by the person in front of you ‘cause I see a switcharoo. I’ve seen this time and time again. First round is coming to a close. Out of the blue the person in front of you initiates a different position pick; let’s say a quarterback position pick. Unsurprisingly, he starts the trend in the immediate future picks based on his pick alone. Your turn. You get worried because all elite QBs may be gone by the time it snakes back to you. You ask yourself: “What should I do?” Pondering about the possibilities you erred in panic to follow suit. Unfortunately you’ve been influenced. Instead of taking the 12th best overall player, you end up faltering, but hastily choosing the 30th best overall pick in the draft.
6) Picking for potentials. Remember the word potential. The word potential is defined by the Merriam-Webster Dictionary as, “existing in possibility: capable of development into actuality.” Too many what ifs! Skip ‘em in the early rounds, and pick ‘em later if the player is still there. Much to the chagrin of picking potentials too early is to have the rest of your peers criticize your noobness (slang for newbie-ness if there’s such a thing).
7) Best possible player overall per expert’s advice. So you’ve been at it since April reading up on the newly acquired rookies. So you’ve picked up several books at Borders to read up on the latest analysis from experts to get ready for another year of fantasy football. You’ve done all the necessary steps that you can do to prevent another failing year. You’ve visited multiple websites, got all the books and magazines, you even gone through a paid website for all the inside news of who’s hot and who’s not. Yet, every year you end up at the bottom of the totem pole. Let’s face it folks, it’s a no brainer once you’ve taken on a fantasy football draft a time or two. You can’t win all the time. It’s all about trial and errors, and even experts make mistakes. You better believe it!
Actually, over analyzing can hurt you. Do just enough research. Don’t over think a draft. I know it may be gut-wrenching having to wait so long in hiatus for the season to start all over again, but it’s all worth it. That’s why I called it the conundrum of fantasy football draft day. It is what it is!
Though I’m no connoisseur, I am an enthusiast of the game. I’ve been playing the game for over 7 years in multiple leagues. To tell you the truth, I’ve never won first place, as I’m still chasing the victory dance, but there’s always room for improvement. I once heard a Mormon ad on one of the local radio station, which I quote, “…that everyone is a working progress.” I believe those very words spells me in a heart beat and can help you along the way.
When you join a fantasy league the common ways of coherent thinking is chucked to the curb, you enter into a more contemptuous snotty mindset in gesturing to displease as well as verbalizing all facets of the English language into condescending remark to all participants, so to simply annoy. That’s one of the tricks of the trade because it’s a haterador (hater on Gatorade is amplified tenfold) game that’s for sure.
Learn the game from the no-no tenets that I’ve created for y’all. And also, endure the painstaking smack talks others may rant on you, likewise develop your own haterador ways in repelling it back to your peers.
Join a league with caution, as your peers will scrutinize your every action. Remember one side note: you can do the same back. Once you’ve learn how to brush ‘em off, as well as learn the no-no tricks of the trade, you’ll do okay. On the contrary to this it’s still a conundrum because even if you do right you may be wrong as well. Holla atcha boi, this is Jerry signing out!
Need more, hit me up at [email protected].